Financial Intimacy Blog

Who is Robert Johnson and why should you pay attention to him?

Johnson is a Jungian psychoanalyst and author of a trio of books, “He”, “She” and “We”, that should be required reading for couples. But chances are they’re not on your pre-wedding checklist.

That’s too bad.  You won’t find excerpts of these books in the bridal magazines. They’re too honest; too close to the bone in exposing the romantic illusions we bring into marriage. Johnson’s penetrating exploration of how romantic myths imprison us explains how we harm the person we marry. Here we meet our projections, illusions and shadows.

Johnson believes four beings take vows at the altar: the bride and her shadow; the groom and his. Each entity has a hidden agenda demanding attention. But caught up in the headiness and exhilaration of romantic love, we don’t know our shadows are there .

In “We”, he writes, “One of the glaring contradictions in romantic love is that so many couples treat their friends with more kindness, consideration, generosity and forgiveness than they ever give to one another.”

In other words, romance is never happy with the other person as he or she is. Or, as a man I know said,” I don’t want to be friends with my wife; it would take all the romance out of our marriage.”

Can marriage survive romantic illusion? Read Johnson and you’ll understand why it’s easier to blame and shame than acknowledge our role in derailing our marriage. A word of caution: Johnson causes goose bumps of recognition.