Spain has declared three days of mourning; flags are flying at half-mast for the victims of the crash of Flight JK5022 at the Madrid airport on Wednesday. The names of the 153 people who died are listed on the Spanair website.

To most of us, they are just names. Yet, for each of the victims, a family is grieving. Loved ones are angry; they want an explanation. An ordinary flight to a vacation destination – what went wrong, how could this happen? An explanation of why the plane crashed may satisfy the survivor’s mind. For the heart, there is no comfort.

I watched the footage of the burning wreckage and all I could think of was how suddenly life can change. People we love die, and the things we meant to say to them can no longer be said. We never told them how much we love them, how grateful we are for all they teach and give us, how much we admire them and how lucky we are that they share our life.

We waited, thinking we had all the time in the world. We’d tell them at the right time, when we weren’t so busy, when we could figure out what we want to say. We didn’t give much thought to the reality that all we have is this moment.

Dr. Ira Byock wrote a book called “The Four Things That Matter Most ” about what’s important to people at the end of life. Don’t wait for the end of life. Say them now:

“Forgive me”, “I forgive you”, “Thank you”, “I love you”.

These are simple statements that tap into the deepest layers of our relationship to the people we love. Unfortunately,they can’t read our mind so they may never know how we feel.

If you knew you had 24 hours left to live, what would you say to the people you love?

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 am. Visit the archives for all blog posts.