If you can talk about money before you marry, and build financial intimacy into your relationship from the beginning, you will be building a more solid foundation under your marriage than couples who focus primarily on wedding details.

If you’re already married, you can start building this foundation of financial intimacy right now.

Here’s where we get to the heart of the matter. No, not the heart as it pertains to love, but the heart of financial intimacy - the really important things you have to know about each other financially.

I consider this so important that I posted a Financial Intimacy Quiz on the home page of this website. Take the test. If your score is lower than 4 out of 10, don’t marry until you get financial counseling. It could save your marriage before it even begins. If you’re already married, it’s equally important to know the answers because your future could depend on it.

What’s not on the test is some advice about money discussion etiquette. Keep in mind that money conflicts are never about money. They’re about everything else – expectations, power, control, entitlement, conditioning, fantasy, assumptions, attitudes, styles, and a host of other emotional scenarios that project out on the screen called money.

When you discuss money, be patient with each other.
Your money attitudes and styles were developed over your lifetime. Those of your financee and husband were as well. Chances are you’re not ideally matched in your money temperaments anyway. But you can probably work all that out if you can talk about money. Check your motives - if your intentions are to make your marriage successful, you can learn to talk about money.

So remember: Don’t raise your voice, don’t be sarcastic, listen attentively and respond respectfully. These are good tactics for a discussion about anything, but when it comes to money, a supercharged emotional topic, good manners are vital to keeping the conversation moving forward.

TAKE THIS QUIZ:
http://www.financialintimacy.com/test-your-intimacy/

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 29th, 2008 at 7:43 am. Visit the archives for all blog posts.