How do we fight about taxes? Let me count the ways.

We fight over disclosure -

A couple was drawing up a prenuptial agreement. The soon-to-be husband wanted a clause that said his wife was not entitled to see his tax return. He didn’t want her to know how many millions he had. The clause ended up being stricken from the agreement.

We fight over fairness -

A self-employed woman, threatened her husband, also self-employed, with filing separately until she saw an analysis of their respective tax estimates. She said she was tired of paying for his taxes. He thought she was being cheap.

We fight about surprises –

One woman found out in the accountant’s office that her husband had borrowed on their house ,invested the money in the stock market on a hot tip, and rode the stock down to half its value. The couple is now in marriage counseling.

Accountants and financial advisors can run the numbers, but ultimately, they’re dealing with money personalities that take years to develop. It’s never really about the taxes or the money. Underneath it all are the bigger issues of fairness, transparency, power and control.

This is the landscape of financial intimacy. If marital finances are an open book, what lurks beneath is not as scary.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 29th, 2008 at 8:04 am. Visit the archives for all blog posts.